two options

September 18th, 2011 § 0 comments

“When the anesthetic of being right is truly removed, change will occur, for from that vantage point one can only become mad or wise. Once awakened, the wound must heal or be forever scratched.”

I was thinking through this at Ava Roasteria a couple nights ago. I was sitting on the leather loveseat, writing out a short story, and frequently looking around the shop. A sense hit me that I really didn’t know much about the people who were coming in and out, who were sitting around. I could apply labels and quick judgements based on my past experiences, but these were not necessarily accurate. And the same realization applied to my physical surroundings, in a way. Usually I interpret the room I’m in based on unconscious patterns, or categories. As in, how I decide where I want to sit at Ava; it’s based on what is available and how much pleasure I think I can get by sitting in a certain spot.

But if I let all those safety mechanisms fall away, I am left with a flush of sensory perceptions and ever-new situations. And it’s scary, and seemingly unmanageable. I think this is one reason why people live with “purpose.” We don’t know how to live in the ever-new world, and so, for the most part, we allow our mind to assign meanings based on past experience and judgements. Yet if I engage with the process of sensitization, I believe I can find a way to live in the world without being run by my mind clicks. And for a sensitized person, I think being aware necessitates a movement towards madness, that is, being unable to cope with the reality of not-knowing, or towards healing the mind’s incessant habit of labeling.

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